Droid Abuse
by Lady ot Rings
Summary: Just some random and pointless humor. R2D2 gets annoyed with his companions and tries to get rid of them. Silliness abounds along with attempted droid suicide...


**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything. Seriously. If you honestly thought I owned these characters, then that's just sad. But it's ok, I have issues, too!

A/N: This was a birthday present for a friend of mine and she said it was cute. Please review and give me any tips on writing humor in the future. This is my first attempt, after all!

A/N 2: No droid was harmed in the writing of this fanfic.

The sunset on Coruscant proved to be rather peaceful. The colors reflected off the exteriors of the space-scrapers on the Republic's capital and magnified the beauty of the dusk. A happy newlywed couple stood on their patio and held each other while the sun went down.

But this story isn't about them. Instead, it's about a lone droid and his companions. In fact, a rather annoyed droid and his annoying companions. If he didn't know any better, he would have electrocuted every one of them with one of his countless arms that fit into his durasteel body. But R2D2 did know better, and decided that he should try to deal with his friends, no matter how unnerving.

"R2D2, where are you?" C-3PO, the golden protocol droid and R2's counterpart.

"R2, I think one of the wires in my arm is loose, come fix it!" Anakin Skywalker, R2's current owner and Chosen One and Jedi Knight.

"R2, my ship's astro-droid lost his head, find me another R4 unit!" Obi-Wan Kenobi, Anakin's former Master, and part of the Jedi Council.

"R2! The baby kicked again! Come feel it!" Senator Padmé Amidala, secret wife to Anakin and mother of his unborn child.

"Here, R2, you will come. Needed to check my sanity, you are." JedI Master Yoda, green…something from…somewhere.

All these requests proved too much for the little Nubian astromech. His chrome dome swiveled so quickly and violently, he feared it would fly off. Fortunately, it didn't fall off. Unfortunately, he still had to listen to the unanswered requests.

"R2-D2!" everyone yelled unanimously.

R2 began to rebel, swiveling his dome back and forth more furiously than before. "Wheep Wheroo!" He tried in vain to get his point across.

"I beg your pardon, Mistress Padmé," 3PO interrupted, "but I fear some of his wires are loose."

"Obi-Wan!" Anakin yelled, unaware of who made the joke. "I said no more loose wire jokes!"

"Did I say anything? I didn't say anything!" Obi-Wan responded.

"Hearing Master Jinn's voice, I am." Yoda held his head in his hand, himself afraid it might fall off. Or worse, explode. "Too old for this nonsense, I have become."

This was it. R2 had had enough and he was drawing the last straw. He wheeled his way over to a random space frigate and, by using one of his metal arms, opened the landing ramp. "Beroop Beep!" When no one followed his lead, he proceeded to blow a raspberry.

"Dead, you are! Alone, you must leave me!"

"Anakin, I'm hungry. And the baby won't stay still."

"I always get blamed for doing things I never do. I'm not cruel enough to poke fun at a bloody droid."

"Shut me down! This is all so confusing!"

"Padmé, I don't have any food. It's your kid, I'm just a hero, remember?"

Gathering up enough energy to make his intended point, R2 shot like a blaster bolt straight toward the strange crowd of Republic fighters. Right before he ran into any of them, they all got his point and ran into the open frigate.

When he finally came to a stop, R2 whistled, obviously relieved. Of course, this relief was only for a short moment. R2 spun around and nearly short-circuited. Anakin was in the cockpit of the spaceship and had already started it up! Unable to vocalize anything, the blue light on R2's dome started blinking red. It was only after the frigate was a few feet off of the landing pad, that the little droid got his wiring to work as fast as his wits.

"WHEEEEE!" He darted his way across the pad and slowed to a stop right under the departing ship. Taking advantage of his leg thrusters, R2 slowly, but surely flew up to the ship and latched onto it's hull with some more of his mechanical arms. Not a moment later, the landing ramp descended and the droid flew the rest of the way, until he was safely inside the ship.

He then let out a long, low whistle. That was close.

Once more, his relief was short-lived. R2 was stuck with these demanding comrades again! In a bout of frustration, he quickly wheeled his way straight into a wall.

Repeatedly.

"Obi-Wan," Anakin said, amazed. "I'm starting to think those loose wire jokes aren't totally false."

"For the last time, I never said those things about R2!"

_Bang!_

_Whang!_

_Twang!_

R2 continued to run into the wall. Yoda continued to speak backwards. Anakin and Obi-Wan continued to argue about the loose wire jokes. Padmé continued to complain about the baby and being hungry. C-3PO continued to wish to be shut down.

When the little astromech hit the wall for the final time, he accidentally activated a door that led to another door, that led to a long hallway that included an elevator shaft, that led to a hangar bay that contained a starfighter that could be piloted by none other than an astromech droid.

R2 let out a shrill "Wheep Bewhoo!" and went through the door that led to another door, that led to a long hallway that included and elevator shaft, that led to the hangar bay that contained a starfighter that he could pilot out of the ship.

Taking his leisurely time, R2 wheeled over to the ship and settled into the seating area made for an R2 unit. He started up the starfighter and waited until the hangar bay doors opened.

Suddenly, R2 had a feeling of guilt. It must have been one of his wires finally coming out of its socket. Still, he felt sort of bad for leaving his friends. After all, they had had so many adventures together and reminisced about those times on other adventures. It just wouldn't be the same without them.

Then, R2 remembered the reason he was leaving and flew the ship out of the hangar. Once out in space, he was finally at peace. No one demanding this and that out of him. Just peace and the expanse of space.

However, a sensor on the starfighter started beeping. Someone was coming up behind him! Swiveling his dome to the back of the fighter, he saw another large frigate coming toward him.

"Wheep!" He tried to pilot the fighter away from the frigate, but it was too late for him. The frigate had a tractor beam and wasn't afraid to use it.

Once inside the new ship, R2 contemplated committing droid suicide again. Standing in front of the starfighter was a giant furry creature!

"RRAAWWRR!" roared the furry creature.

"You said it, Chewie," replied a shorter man.

"Han, what have you caught this time? Another heap of space debris?" accused a shorter woman.

"An astromech droid? Just what I've always needed for my X-Wing!" squealed a young man.

R2 whistled happily. Perhaps these people would take him on their adventures! He was no longer sad about leaving behind his other friends; at least these people made sense and didn't demand so much of him.

He was once again, a happy little astromech droid named R2D2.


End file.
